Was Sunday and I didn't have a sense of time pressure, so I went to church for the first time in a few weeks. I still feel more like it's a thing I do sometimes than a community, in great part due to the hour and ten minute travel time making it feel like I really don't want to get involved in other things throughout the week given my general exhaustion level when working. However, the female pastor mentioned a few small groups starting soon, one of which is for Grief, and it kind of tempts to at least try...

Afterward, I ate at a really good soup restaurant but still needed a little more food. Got some fries on the way home and a few other things from McDonald's, which is the closest food to my apartment. Went to sleep for hours after. I had a day of internet productivity yesterday and therefore didn't get a lot of sleep. I want to do more, but I also don't want to just be a lump. There's a lot of boom or bust about being physically active or active online that I wish I could balance when I am off work.

I need to make a plan for what food I am going to make next and go to the grocery store tomorrow afternoon, but I can't decide what to make. Maybe it's time for beef/veg soup again. I used to make it weekly. Recently, I've been making more Mexican-coded stuff.

I kind of would like to make a sort of Mexican-y chili but with whole beef instead of ground beef. Every time I find pure ground beef here, it is "from frozen" and because I stick it in the freezer until use it feels like the texture of gravel half the time. Dunno if that would work...??? I do have chili seasoning mix but I am unsure.

Watched this video and thought it was interesting: "Why 'It's Gonna Be May' is Weirder Than You Think"

Sometimes I daydream about actually studying linguistics. Oh to be a student again, I say while also loving not having homework.

I updated my profile page, my fandom masterlist, and shipping masterlist. It had been a long time, and I wonder if I have missed something. I wonder if my pinned post also needs cleaning, but I think the last time I tried to make it less time-sensitive.

I keep thinking about how I would like to have more whimsical and fandom-specific things like... blog layouts, phone and computer wallpaper, but I feel like I have lost my sense of visual inspiration and I'm less willing to just steal stuff I find online.

Plus, I like stuff but I just feel like I have less brain space to store granular detail.

Hmm.

It's Saturday here in Japan. Last Wednesday was a holiday, then I worked Thursday and Friday. Thursday was a blur of trying desperately to get a "syllabus" that is basically a course outline for the entire year for a course that didn't exist until this year finished. Friday was pretty chill, and now I am off until this coming Thursday.

I thought about trying to get out of town for a day or two but everything I looked at it seemed like money I would rather spend on seeing best friend or my dad later in the year. If I can think of a day trip that wouldn't just make me mad I might go? Like, I think it would be fun to just go somewhere on the Shinkansen, but I have no idea where to go, and I often find trying to "get out and do things" more exhausting than just trying to make my little nest a happier place to be...

But I do need trees/grass/mountains occasionally.

I might just go to a local park at an off hour and finally just sit on a swing when no kids need it?

Ideas welcome.

I have talked about this before, but I keep thinking about how even though I enjoy listening to content that's just... talking... like Reddit-reading videos, true crime documentaries, user-submitted story reading accounts, analytical videos... and so on. I always enjoyed watching documentary stuff with my family, since it was one of the things we could all agree on liking when I lived at home. However, I started doing it a lot on my own the first time I was in Japan in 2019. I think it was a way to keep myself company with the language fatigue and the time zone adjustment the first time. Back then, I was less willing to do the things I needed to do to keep in touch with my loved ones on the other side of the world. Especially back then, I did not understand hardly any of what I heard around me. Now, it's still mostly inscrutable, but I recognize phrases and explanations of things I hear often, at least in terms of the gist.

Recently, I lamented that I spend about 11 hours a day away from my house most days in order to facilitate working 8 hours and basic errands like feeding myself or buying groceries to feed myself at home. I had not really done the math before, but in my efforts to avoid being late, that's how it works out. Then, it occurred to me that I typically listen to non-narrative entertainment when I am able to consume any kind of media in public while eating or on transit. I think this makes it really hard for me to write, be creative, and watch the things I would like to watch.

To the end of trying to reteach myself, I started passively rewatching Skins, the UK tv show from my early college years, as I knew I could find it on YouTube.

Strange feeling, but I think I'm onto something.

We'll see if it ever actually sticks.

I know it's Saturday, but I figured I would try doing this. Again, just in the interest of not filing myself down with infinite scrolling:

The Friday Five for 1 May 2026

1. Do you like to spend time outdoors?

When the weather is right (not too hot, not too cold, not to wet), I do enjoy it sometimes. I'm pretty picky about it. I seem to enjoy it the most mid-morning or late in he evening due to the relative gentleness of the elements in those times. I really wish I spent more time in parks and stuff, but every time I think of it, I am either too busy, it's raining, or it's some extreme temperature.

2. What is your favorite flower?

I know embarrassingly few flowers by name. I like the ones that have a clustery form like lilacs and hydrangeas that have a nice scent but which doesn't give me a headache.

3. Any favorite warm weather activities?

I'm pretty overly sensitive to heat. If it's just warm and not hot, I like getting a little sun just by sitting or walking outside. Otherwise, I like... indoor activities in the summertime.

4. Have you ever kept a garden? If so, what did you grow?

I did not personally do so, but I used to help in my parents' garden (sometimes under duress...) when I was a kid. I once grew a couple of tiny watermelons. I remember harvesting lettuce from planter boxes as a child and picking tomatoes. I planted some dill that spread everywhere also. I would love to grow heirloom tomatoes or herbs, but I just dunno where I am ever going to have permanency and space.

5. Do you know how to swim?

No. I know this freaks people out, but I grew up next to a kinda dirty river with a mom who couldn't come after me if I fell in, so it was not a high priority, and my dad was not a good teacher about it. He didn't wanna force me when it terrified me.