Why is joy embarrassing?

[memorizingthedigitsofpi]

Over on tumblr, I said that cringe is just being embarrassed for someone else who doesn't feel embarrassed about their own joy. But then I asked the question, "Why is joy embarrassing?"

I wasn't actually trying to be that deep. I mean, it was a legitimate question, but I wasn't planning on answering it. But now that I'm thinking about it, I actually want to know.

Why is joy embarrassing?

I think part of it is that external viewpoint. You're watching someone experience such a strong emotion, and they're doing it nakedly - without hiding it at all. We're all used to keeping a veil over that kind of thing on a day to day basis. You can only show your honest emotions on special occasions or in private.

But "cringe" behaviour is public. It's there for anyone to see. Family, friends, strangers - you're allowing all of them to watch you filled with and expressing your emotion.

When someone is crying and we feel an emotional response to their pain, we call it empathy. When someone is angry and we feel an emotional response to that anger, we call that fear. But when someone is experiencing joy, we call our emotional response cringe and recoil away from it.

I don't want to run away from joy. I want to embrace it. I want them to share it with me and pull me under the umbrella of it. Let me warm myself with your joy against the cold, dark cruelty of the world.

I don't want to snuff that flame. I want to fan it. Turn it into an inferno. The world is crap enough. Let's let the happiness in when we can.

Comments

[razia]

Thank you for putting into words what I couldn't. I read the post and all the responses and just couldn't articulate to myself what I was thinking.

I really feel the part about trauma, and how we end up responding to "cringe" as a means of defense. I was bullied a lot in school, especially for liking anime and manga, and especially for liking the ones that were considered "for kids" or "too girly" (god forbid I ever said out loud that I liked Sailor Moon), so I got used to keeping those things to myself, and now I catch myself cringing when I see adults talking about their interest in something like Naruto or Steven Universe or the new She-Ra.

It's exactly as you said: a mix of "if I engage in this, I'll be in danger too" and "this person is putting themselves in danger and I need to keep themselves from being hurt like I was". There's also a deep shame in being seen as childish, as someone who hasn't grown up. It took me a good decade to shake off most of it, and I still struggle with it. But I also have made a point to stop feeling guilty for enjoying what I enjoy, which has led me to be more open with friends about all my interests, even fanfiction and fanart.

And you're absolutely right that we're never taught how to deal with these situations, so unfortunately it falls to us to learn it ourselves.